The Pull Toward What We Can’t Fully Know
I have been circling the same questions for a long time now. At least ten years, probably longer if I am being honest with myself. It is not something that arrived all at once, more like something that kept tapping me on the shoulder quietly until I finally stopped pretending I did not feel it. There is this pull that never really goes away. It is not loud or dramatic, and it does not come with clear answers. It is just always there, a feeling that something mattered deeply once and that we are living at a distance from it now. I think about ancestors a lot, but not in the modern, tidy way where you plug numbers into a test and get a map and feel like that explains anything. This feels older than that, heavier somehow. More like a knowing without proof. And I struggle with that feeling because I do not fit neatly anywhere. I am not religious in the way people usually mean it. I do not find comfort in doctrine or certainty, and I do not feel at home in rigid belief systems. But I als...
